Love is timeless! – Really? Love is essential for our survival, but its expressions and expectations have changed significantly over the centuries. From courtly love songs to romantic ideals and modern dating apps—every era has shaped its own concept of love. But what do these developments mean for our relationships today? And how can we build authentic connections despite societal expectations?
Love Through the Ages
- Middle Ages: Love was often tied to social or economic obligations, with romance playing a secondary role in most relationships.
- Romance and the Industrial Revolution: With the rise of romantic literature and music, the idea of romantic "true love" emerged as the foundation for relationships.
- 20th Century: The increasing gender equality and the sexual revolution transformed how relationships were lived. Love became more diverse, yet also more complex.
- Today: Digital technologies and social media have not only created new ways to find love but also introduced new challenges, such as constant comparisons to idealised images and the pressure of perpetual availability.
What does this mean for us?
Societal developments have changed the expectations of relationships. We desire passion and stability, independence and community—and often find ourselves in inner conflict because of these contradictory demands. "Love is contradictory; it comes with the highest feelings of happiness, ecstasy, and can also deeply shake and hurt us.", That is how Katharina-Sophie Rohlfing, counsellor and psychotherapist at INSITE, describes the emotional dilemma we face when experiencing love. "A stable relationship thrives on the balance between attachment and autonomy.", she further explains.
Tips for Authentic Relationships
- Reflect on Your Values: What core values are truly important to you in a relationship? Are these values aligned with the reality of your current relationship?
- Set Boundaries: Loving someone doesn’t mean losing yourself. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and independence.
- Learn from the Past: Every relationship—whether past or present—offers lessons that can help shape healthier connections in the future.
- Seek Support: Relationships are a journey of learning. Professional coaching or couples counseling can help address challenges constructively.
The concept of love is not fixed but constantly evolving. Ideas of love are in a state of continual change! The most important thing is to find your own definition of love—one that aligns with your needs and values. As an EAP provider, we can help you create authentic and healthy relationships in a changing world.
